Scare
by ImplicationsProblematic
Summary: A Shenko pregnancy scare sometime during ME3 forces Kaidan and Shepard to acknowledge the life they want together but don't expect to have. Just a little idea I thought I'd explore.


**/NOTE: This wasn't a particularly easy concept for someone as inexperienced at writing as me to tackle- but I swear to God this series puts thoughts into my head that I just *have* to deal with somehow, otherwise I'll loose my mind. I thought I'd share on the off chance that someone else enjoys it. It was written fairly quickly and is entirely un-beta'd. All mistakes are my own.**  
**Bioware owns all the characters... blah blah blah. You know the drill./**

"Shepard?"

The cabin was dark save for the dim glow of the aquarium, but Kaidan knew she wouldn't be asleep. Shepard didn't _do_ daytime naps unless they were forcibly induced by Dr Chakwas and a hypodermic needle- hell, these days she didn't even get much shuteye at night. So he wasn't surprised when he flicked on the lights and saw that she was awake, but he _was_ concerned.

Shepard was perched on the edge of the bed, facing the right hand wall. She always seemed small to him when in her fatigues instead of her armor, but more so today because of the way she sat hunched over with one hand supporting her head.

"Jayne?" he asked, definitely worried now. She didn't turn to look at him as he moved over to her, dropping the datapad he'd been holding onto the sofa as he passed. It was only when he sat down beside her that Kaidan noticed she was staring at something she held in her other hand. And still she hadn't moved. "Jayne," he softly raised a hand to her chin, encouraging her to look at him "What's wrong?" He let his hand fall as she moved to pass the object to him, but kept her gaze frozen forward. Confused, and a little scared by this strange scene, more fearsome by far than any skirmish, he looked down at the contents of his hand. It was a thin white baton, no more than three inches long, with a small screen displaying a cross and a red light that flashed insistently. His stomach lurched as he recognised it for what it was. _A pregnancy test_.

He inhaled slowly. Something had clearly been bothering Shepard for the last few days, but _this?_ This had never occurred to him as a reason, although it explained so much. Her sudden desire to dock at the Citadel, the way she kept pushing back her weekly medical assessment with Chakwas… When he looked up, she was at last facing him; there were tears shining in her fierce eyes and rolling silently down pale cheeks. Kaidan cradled her face gently in his hands. "Jayne, why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

The steadying breath Shepard took before she spoke seemed almost painful. "It's… it's stupid." She whispered, leaning into his touch. "I didn't really think… and even if I were, I know that we couldn't- not now- in the middle of a war… but-" her voice cracked with emotion. "Oh Kaidan," she sobbed, throwing her arms about him- arms that he'd seen tear husks apart and fire missiles. He felt her shuddering breaths against his chest as he pressed her to him, aware of moisture growing in his own eyes. Seeing the great Commander Shepard so vulnerable, so _exposed_ was a terrible privilege. The galaxy needed her, but right now Jayne needed _him-_ he couldn't let his emotions take over, he had to give her something to cling to as coped with this. But at the same time, he needed to show her that he understood the grief that had overwhelmed her, that he felt the same. Because he did.

They rarely talked about life after the war, because neither of them could entirely convince themselves that there would be an _after_. But sometimes, very infrequently, when they'd had just enough to drink or were especially lost in each other during a few, snatched, passionate hours, they'd tentatively dare to hope for a future together. They'd talk about waking up each morning to an ocean view, about a wedding where Anderson walked Shepard down the isle and Kaidan's mother wept joyously into flower arrangements, about a family of their own. But they never dared to dream for very long and kept their desperate hopes deep inside themselves where their audacity couldn't cause them pain.

Kaidan wept alongside the woman he loved, understanding that their pain was not caused by the pregnancy scare itself, but rather the wishes it had awakened within them that they tried so hard not to think about. They sat that way for a long time, not needing to say anything, content to support each other silently in the quiet maelstrom of their sorrow as they grieved for the happy ending they didn't expect to have.

Eventually, Shepard leant back from his chest and raised a hand to his face to wipe away his tears with her thumb. Reminded of their dinner on the citadel, Kaidan rested his hand on hers.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Me too." They exchanged sad smiles and she moved to stand. "Hey" quickly but gently , he pulled her back down beside him. "Shepard," he sighed, desperate to find the right words. "It's going to happen." He said at last. "You're going to beat the Reapers because you're _Commander Shepard_ and I'm going to be right there with you because I love you _desperately_ Jane. And when it's all over, we're going to have a big fucking absurd wedding-" she was smiling now "-with a ridiculous dress and a… a twenty tier cake- no, _two_ cakes, one dextro and one levo, both with tiny Jaynes and Kaidans on top" that made her laugh, so he continued. "And Tali will cry like she does at the end of _Fleet and Flotilla_, Wrex will start a punch up with the bar staff with some help from that adoptive Krogan son of yours… And we'll get a house on the coast somewhere, with a huge aquarium for your damn fish and the best coffee machine an Alliance pension can buy," she said nothing, but her growing smile encouraged him to continue "and when we're ready, we'll fill the place with kids,"

"Oh really?" she raised an eyebrow playfully.

"Definitely," he smirked "at least a dozen."

"Well aren't you keen?" she leant back into his chest, but now she was smiling. "Keep going," Shepard murmured.

"_Well_," his arms resettled around her "I figure we'll maybe get a dog,"

"No. A cat." Jayne mumbled into his shirt.

"Whatever you say- hell, maybe two."

"And a varren?" she added hopefully.

"A _varren_?"

"Pretty please?"

"Far be it from me to say no to you Shep,"

"Called 'Fluffy'?"

"Now you're just messing with me Jayne." He chuckled in his quiet way that he knew helped to chase off her seldom seen anxieties for a while.

"Maybe a little," she admitted with a contented sigh, gently stroking his chest. "Kaidan?"

"Mmmm?"

"Thank you,"

Kaidan said nothing, knowing that she didn't need him to, but pressed a single, tender kiss to her forehead, happy to sit there with her, cherishing the time they'd had and daring to imagine the future they needed to believe in.


End file.
